Nostalgia.

Back in my freshmen year, we can't make calls using our home phone line and you actually have to buy this card (digikard) to be able to make a one. I was using this card to call this girl everyday after class. Hindi pa ako nagpapalit ng school uniform, tinatawagan ko na siya. We were on telebabad mode. During dinner, after dinner, while doing our assignments, and before we go to bed. Everyday and every night! And then every friday we used to stay up late and just talk about everything and anything until we fall asleep.

The girl's name is Rossann. She was using her Hello Kitty phone back then in her bedroom (which makes a very crappy sound) and I was using our wireless phone (which was always lowbatt). We became MUs, then came Sep 4, we became Lovers. (big grin) haha! Thanks to Digikard! Eksaherado! Imagine, I courted her for 1 year! But uh.. we broke up after a month. hahaha! And then came my Junior year, I tried to win her back with the help of my digikard and then panalo na naman nung May 24! But we broke up again 13th of June the same year. Wala pang isang buwan. Fail! But it's okay. Learned a lot. :)

So now you know the story behind the Cupid (Digikard), and that there was a girl named Rossann who made my heart beat like Manny Pacquiao on a Hyper Mode and like Susan Roces saying "not once, but twice!"


I couldn't help smiling when I read this because it brought back so many memories of my very first encounter with love.

I was fourteen years old at that time and I knew nothing about relationships so we didn't even last for a month, but I remember how my heart would jump whenever I'd see him and how my cheeks would redden each time he'd start talking to me.

And though we barely spoke in person because I was just too shy, we would spend countless hours talking on the phone. Thoughts of him consumed me and there was always nothing that I wanted more than to get home and wait for my silly hello kitty phone to ring.

I remember how my heart raced when he sang to me and all those letters and text messages that I kept and read over and over again before I went to bed.

I remember the perplexity, anxiety, and aggravation that came with the love that I felt; an innocent love so totally devoid of knowledge and understanding that was best expressed with disguised gestures, words left unsaid, and actions that misled.

I remember the heartbreak best of all, that insufferable pain that made me appreciate and want love even more. You see, fairy tales are always more beautiful once you've seen them in reverse.

It's already been five years, and looking back, one might say that what I felt was not even love to begin with. Maybe it was just a deep-seated longing to connect with another human being, an insatiable yearning tainted by conflicting emotions and illogical ways of thinking, or some hunger to experience what I'd seen in movies and read about in books.

Well, one may call it whatever he wishes to call it, but in my heart of hearts, I am absolutely certain it was love: childish, selfish, bittersweet love. :)